So here’s what my life boils down to of late:

What video game to play. Seriously.

There’s just so many choices. Let’s examine them in depth, shall we?

Breakdown (XBox):
Perhaps the best shitty game I’ve yet played. Got it for 8 bucks. Level design stinks worse than my armpits, the main character is the least inquisitive amnesiac this side of Keanu Reeves (okay, Keanu Reeves isn’t an amnesiac, but god damn if he isn’t a moron), and the plot is filled with more holes than the corpses you leave in your wake. But hey, it was $8 and it looks kinda pretty.

Devil May Cry 3 (PS2):
I don’t know why I haven’t beaten this yet. Oh wait, yes I do — it’s harder than a Magic the Gathering champion in a strip club. Even on Easy difficulty, this game makes me its bitch. I’m stuck on level 9 where I’m getting dominated by some red-haired vampire chick. While that may be the fantasy of countless nerds everywhere, it’s not exactly mine. But the game is still awesome anyway. Just take the first cutscene: Dante, the main character, is stabbed through the chest with about 8 scythes. He doesn’t even flinch. He then proceeds to beat the fuck out of the demons assaulting him (with just his hands and feet) before going over to turn on some “tunes.” He eats some pizza, shoots some more demons in the face… He eventually ends up using pool balls(!) to kill a few. He finally grabs his sword and lays some more smackdown, then the game switches over and lets you play. Sadly, in-game Dante doesn’t seem to be as impervious to scythe-impalement, as I learned the hard way.

Ninja Gaiden Black (Xbox):
Not quite as hard as DMC3… at least not on Normal difficulty. I can’t even get past the first god damned level on Hard. And don’t get me started on “Mission” mode. Mission mode is like asking for a spike-fisted enema. “Hey, let’s just drop the player into a room filled with monsters… and maybe two or three bosses. Then, let’s call it a mission.” Fuck you, Team Ninja.

I’m too lazy to write about the rest. But here they are in no particular order: Day of Defeat Source, Half Life 2, Star Ocean (2 and Til the End of Time), Ogre Battle, Ogre Battle 64, Tactics Ogre… I’m sure I’m forgetting some.


Anywho. I haven’t written too much in my novel, lately. Been busy. However… Next month is national write a novel month. Mayhap I should try to finish my novel next month?

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