Good Apollo, I’m Burning Star IV: From Fear Through the Eyes of Madness (Part 1)

Keeping the Blade [Instrumental]
At this point, you may be wondering – just what type of post is this? This is a post analyzing how I relate to the aforementioned album, one song at a time. Keeping the Blade is the first track on this album, and it sets the tone rather well. Being that it is an instrumental introduction, I am using it here to introduce you to my purpose. I enjoy the song for its heavy use of violin and for its title. To me, it means simply to stay. More specifically, “blade” seems to imply some kind of service – particularly military service – and keeping it means to continue sacrificing yourself for that service. The strings lend an air of nobility and tragedy to this whole concept. There are other possible meanings – given that the album is actually about a delusional, depressed author of a science fiction epic (hmm, I wonder why I relate), it could also mean to keep the blade that is buried in you, wounding you.
For further songs, lyrics will be in itallics.
Always and Never
Instrumentally, this carries the subdued, slower tone of Keeping the Blade with a different stringed instrument – the guitar. A child’s laughter/babble can be heard in the background, and Claudio seems almost like he is whispering than singing (though he is most definitely singing). It almost sounds like a lullaby and it is the sort of song I could listen to on repeat forever and ever and fall asleep to – which is fitting for a song titled Always and Never. And as far as titles go, I really like how this one invokes the concept of infinity, especially regarding the subject material at hand (the Writer’s love). For me personally, I relate it to how I will Always and Never love certain people – at the same time.
If beauty sits the child’s kiss
Of laughter I amend
Can you catch her if she ran?

With this I would share with you
All of this count to no end

Behind your sealed eyes you miss
All that I’ve done for you
Will you catch me when I land?

If timing plays evident
What would you say when you’re late?

Stay with me and fall asleep
Pray to God for no bad dreams

Stay with me and fall asleep
Pray to God for no bad dreams

Here… I’m… I’m still waiting here, my dear
For one kiss from you
So here… I’m… I’m still waiting here, my dear
To kill all of you
To kill all of you
“Behind your sealed eyes…” This verse stands out among the early ones as one I can really relate to. The other verses are a bit too confused for me to really make sense of, but I can relate this one to a lot of people I’ve met. It is clear that the singer (who is the Writer in the CoCa mythology) is talking about his former love, and I can relate this to people who I have loved formerly – nevermind the whole issue of whether or not I understand what love is (that’s for another article at another time). I feel like people often don’t appreciate the things I do for them until it is too late – and by that point I am no longer interested in sacrificing myself for them (so perhaps I don’t Keep the Blade very often). As for the last line of this verse, it would be nice to have someone to catch me as I land from what feels like the freefall I am on through life, I have yet to meet anyone that will.
“If timing plays…” This verse is excellent. It can refer most obviously to punctuality, which I appreciate, but I relate it more to a different concept. What will one do when one finds out they are late in realizing just how important/valuable I am to them? More abstractly, it highlights a problem of prioritization I’ve found with people – they claim I am important to them yet they make no time for me, and once I’ve moved on and it is too late for them (from my perspective, as I have already moved on) all the sudden they have all the time in the world. I might be convinced to give them a second go, but it really matters what they say at this point – ‘what would you say when you’re late?’ Most people screw this part up.
The final lines highlight my instability and rage at times. Not that I ever would just go out and kill everyone, but I think a significant majority of people have fantasized at least once about how they will “kill all of you,” whoever ‘all of you’ may refer to.
Welcome Home
Instrumentally, this song starts off with some more acoustic, albeit at a faster pace than Always and Never. Quickly, the opening riff is repeated with an electric guitar and backed by drums and the song starts to ‘kick ass,’ as it were. Heavier, grittier, darker – which is more befitting as we are delving deeper into the Writer’s (and by proxy, my) personal grief as he recounts his (and my) erstwhile love(s).
You could have been all I wanted
But you weren’t honest
Now get in the ground
You choked off the surest of favors
But if you really loved me
You would have endured my world
The only part of this that doesn’t apply to my first girlfriend would be “you would have endured my world,” but then again, I suppose I don’t really know if that’s true or not. I don’t have a lot of resolution with her and I’m not sure if I had a world that needed to be endured or not. Also, I wouldn’t urge her to “get in the ground” as the writer does his former love, since that is clearly meant to imply some sort of murder – upon the end of our relationship, I could have cared less whether or not she died. She was dead to me and that was all that mattered. I treated her as such. So, in a metaphorical sense, I suppose “get in the ground” works, though I wouldn’t wish it on her literally.
Well if you’re just as I presumed
A whore in sheep’s clothing
Fucking up all I do
And if SO here we stop
Then never again
Will you see this in your life
This applies to so many countless women in my life that it is foolish to try and talk about in depth. I am very good at walking away and making sure that “never again will you see this in your life” and have done it on a number of occassions. It is often not appreciated or wanted but always warranted.
Hang on to the glory at my right hand
Here laid to rest, is our love ever longed
With truth on the shores of compassion
You seem to take premise to all of these songs
I guess this relates to my feelings for Sara, except for the part about glory – real loosely, I suppose I could relate this to an ambigious sort of feeling I have in general towards females. Sometimes I wish they could see that they COULD “hang on to the glory at my right hand,” as I could attain such glory – be it through the military or through whatever else I might set my mind to. However, my strategy in meeting people has been to subdue the better parts of myself and express only the negatives. It is a curious strategy, but I would rather be loved for who I rather than what I can do – lately I have thought long on this and wondered how inexorably the two are linked. What I can do is a part of who I am. How do I properly represent myself in a way that can lead to a meaningful connection built upon a foundation of mutual trust and respect?
That’s a lot of response to just one line. As for “is our love ever longed,” this really relates to my problem of obsessing over whether or not Sara ever felt the same way for me and felt the same way I felt about how our friendship was decaying. The next line doesn’t evoke much specifically for me, though I guess I loosely relate it to how truth is hard to ascertain and perhaps can only be gleaned through some kind of empathy. Sara certainly took premise to all of my ‘songs,’ which in my case were stories and not songs, but you get the idea.
You stormed off to scar the armada
Like Jesus played letter,
I’ll drill through your hands
The stone for the curse you have blamed me
With love and devotion I’ll die as you sleep
But you could just write me out
To neverless wonder… Happy will I become
Be true that this is no option,
So with sin I condemn you
Demon play, demon out!
The bit up through ‘hands’ seems to be pretty esoteric and related to just the CoCa mythology – I don’t relate much personally. However, I have certainly been blamed for things that were not my fault. “I’ll die as you sleep” tickles me in ways it probably shouldn’t – somehow, the idea of dying in battle while a loved one sleeps is strangely attractive to me. I often tell people they should just write me out of their lives and often do that to them, and I wonder how they’re doing but never do anything about figuring it out. I wonder if the people I’ve written off wonder about me. The last three lines are cool but I don’t have much to relate to personally.
One last kiss for you
One more wish to you
Please make up your mind girl…
I’d do anything for you
One last kiss for you
One more wish to you
Please make up your mind girl…
Before I hope you die
This highlights the writer’s craziness and my craziness also. Although I did kind of wish that my first girlfriend would make up her mind – she seemed to love me then hate me, want me and then not want me. It was maddening. Please make up your mind, girl…

3 thoughts on “Good Apollo, I’m Burning Star IV: From Fear Through the Eyes of Madness (Part 1)

  1. It is apparent that no one cares.

    Then again, this is true of most of my posts.

    More lyrics from a different song not on this album but from the same band: “Broad incision sits across the evening
    The victim to our father's lost war
    The restless sit and mourn the graves
    Of those they've never seen before
    Will they be buried here among the dead?
    In the silent secret”

  2. I wonder if presenting yourself solely in the negatives turns people away. In a way, isn't presenting yourself in a certain light dishonest? I would wonder if someone could catch you from your fall if they didn't really know what they were catching. Try as they might, they won't be equipped properly, and it may do more harm than good, to you and to them.

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