No messages, no replies

I woke up today at 0520 or so. I knew I wouldn’t have to PT, because I was going to CLEP on Foster this morning. The only way to get to CLEP in time is to take the 0720 bus, as the 0820 bus would get me there too late to be “on time.” The first thing I did upon waking up was, as usual, check my Facebook and my OkCupid. Upon seeing that I hadn’t received any messages in my inbox on Facebook (which is the vehicle I used to inquire about my leave plans) or messages on OkCupid, I take the next logically obsessive step and check both of my active email accounts. Again, no messages.

The first thing I do upon finishing my CLEP test, while waiting for Kyle to finish his, is check Facebook and OkCupid again at 1020 or so. Again, no messages, no replies. The thought hadn’t ocurred to me yet to check my email, so let’s do that now – no surprise there, empty!

Why am I surprised by this outcome? Furthermore, why am I disappointed? Why do I check so frequently when I am rarely rewarded? This feels a lot like grinding for gear in (a) Diablo 2 (-esque game), wherein by enduring hours of mundane tedium I am rewarded with a paltry trinket that seemingly makes the whole thing worth while. In fact, I made an observation on this mechanism some time ago. Why do I think the ceaseless days of agony and longing are somehow made up for when someone deigns to respond to me once, twice, or (the odds asymptotically approaching zero, now) thrice?

“I know I shouldn’t waste my time wishing I’d been better designed…”

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